Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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