I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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