They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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