I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
