make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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