just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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