I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
