I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
