every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
