I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
