WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
