Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
