I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize