anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
