I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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