I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Welp...herpes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
