I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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