I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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