I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
