I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
