She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
