Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
