i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize