HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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