Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize