OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
