why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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