Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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