Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
