Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The uberlube is also flammable
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
