So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
