I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
