Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
