Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
