I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
