Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
