Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
