I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize