Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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