I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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