We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
