It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
