forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
