idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
