Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
