Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
