forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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