Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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