It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
