Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
