tonight lets celebrate not being married
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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