I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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