you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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