normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
