people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
