my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She's the barista slut.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
