I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
