drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
