To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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