We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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