Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
