HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
